STOP SELF DOUBT | self care

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I’m gonna start this post but I also know it is a long one. 

Have you ever felt like you don’t know yourself anymore? As if the person you are is completely wrong? Well, I have! For a period I have question myself, not because I’m insecure (I have my days like any other human being) and hate myself. What I have understood is, I doubt myself when people around me expect certain behaviour from me and way of treating them. Whilst I’m treating them and doing things the way I think it is right (we will always think that our way is the best way?).
I have also understood that we damage so much with ourselves and others with the high expectations we have. We expect this and that. I have also understood that people’s ego LOVE to behave a certain way towards you but would hate you treating them with the same lower standards. So that is what they don’t expect, humans don’t expect you to behave badly towards them because they do it to you (or in some cases we expect the worst), they expect gold and luxury treatment regardless the way they behave. This is just nature of the EGO.

I had a very good example happened to me, I was questioned about myself as a person and how I carry myself. I obviously defended myself by saying well what about you? But the other person didn’t think their way was anything unusual or bad? Do you understand where I want to get with this? We are experts on pointing fingers, judging and make people question themselves because we don’t agree with the way they carry themselves.
Is any of us born perfect and flawless? NONE!

I did the big mistake by feeling very bad for a couple of weeks (I’m learning), because of the way a certain situation made me feel. I was like: Oh gosh, I need to change. I’m bad. I’m horrible. Why did I do that? Why do I behave that way when I don’t want to? My way of being is not good, I need to change completely. And this is the worst, you actually killing yourself with so much self-doubt. I’m not saying the problems are caused by others, by I’m not going to hide it but: humans need to stop expecting so much without giving so much or without being perfect themselves. It doesn’t add up, not in my head.

I did doubt myself massively, to a point that I did not like myself at all. This only lasted for a short amount of time. That short amount of time was horrible tho. Coming to a clear mind-set and looking into my soul and myself and the person I love. Myself. I’m not a bad person at all, and I’m a human being with all the rights to sin (the only way to learn and progress) and all the rights to make life better than yesterday. I shouldn’t beat myself with over thinking about myself, the person I know FOR SURE. The person I have spent almost 30 years with, the person that is me. I love this person and I actually get really sad when I think about how bad I have been to myself. I get really sad. I’m my best friend and you don’t wish to treat the people you love bad right? We also have days when life isn’t smiling the way we want to and what do we do? We beat ourselves up with bad criticism about the life we live or we behave different towards others.

Reality is different if I can make my individual judgment. Reality of life is different, firstly we are humans. Doh! The most truthful truth is that every human being is in need of attention, compassion and to be selfish. We want and we ask, and we get but sometimes we are not willing to give the same respect or approach as we get. We take people for granted, we take things for granted and we only think of our best wellbeing. I don’t judge anyone, at all. I know that our nature is like that, but our nature has also allowed us to be mindful to others. To not only think we are the centre of everyone else’s life. We can only expect that from our parents until a certain age, and even them that love us to death and we are still not the centre of their lives.
So, to the doubting side. We are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings but we can at least be mindful. And the reason why I’m saying that is because, none of us live the perfect pictured life. We all have issues on our own, we deal with struggle but in different levels or categories. Still struggle though. There is no reason to point fingers, yes we tend to do this so often. I do that sometimes because certain behaviour I think is not what I would do. And plenty of times I stop myself thinking: why would she/he do the same as me? We are two completely different people, different background, parents and in some cases culture. We need to accept other people the way they are, allow them to feel safe and respect and accepted.

I do question others, but I sometimes tend to question myself for a bit first instead of blaming how others are to get a better view of the situation. Sometimes it isn’t about them, sometimes it is about how we deal with the situation life introduces to us.

Stop doubting on yourself, stop listening to people “advise” or talk on how to be a person. Speak on how to create a better place and how to feel better, yes of course. We cannot demand on how people should live their lives or how to be. What do we know? Are we in their shoes? No, we can’t know nor understand unless we are going through THE SAME THING. Usually, we are going through similar but it will never be the same feeling. We will never be able to feel the same, feelings are unique. Feelings are individual. Stop telling people how to behave or how to be or how to feel.

All I’m saying is that, none of us knows what is best for the other person. Sometimes the person herself/himself don’t know, so why should we know? It is just common sense in my head. I’m a logical person. If you don’t ask, you don’t know. If you don’t experience, you wont know. We need to stop with the high expectations and allow people to just do good without us preparing ourselves for what comes next. Why? Live in the present and lower the expectations. I just try to live a life where people treat me with the same respect, I don’t expect more than what I can give to you. And sometimes I understand that for some it is different than for me. We love and live different ways, our parents and the society have taught us to love differently because of our own interpretations of life. None of us get the meaning of life spot on like our fellow friend. We see things differently, we have different perspective of life so instead of judging everybody for the way they are. We should understand that we have been created and shaped differently because of the circumstances, also the way our parents grow up and that made an impact on us etc etc etc. It is not about dividing us because we are different, our mindset and culture might be different but we are all humans. We all have feelings and we all want love.

We cannot judge others for being this and that, meanwhile being the same. In order to create a better place for yourself and your beloved ones, create acceptance first.

Self doubt stops you from growing, expanding and become a better person.

5 step to deal with self doubt:

  • Ground yourself: When you find yourself being pulled into the negative thoughts, staying present is the key to be able to focus on the positive.
  • Balance the negative: easy to be in these moments of self criticism. Try to write down positive things that you like about yourself. At least 10 things. It can be anything, but just try to balance it out.
  • Take a break: sometimes taking a break from those things that have made you doubt on yourself can be a good thing. Take a break to create a balance head space. Maybe focusing on something completely different. Doodle, scribble, paint with your hands. Put your favorite music on and dance.
  • Nurture yourself: when in self doubt, it is so easy to forget to take care of ourselves. Remember to stay hydrated, eat healthy nutritious food, get some good sleep.
  • Connect with others: so important. Sometimes it is important and healthy to speak to other people, like a therapist, a friend, someone you feel comfortable with. It is good to understand that we are not the only ones experiencing hard times or self doubt. We all do. Talking with people who understand and been there before can create a huge support in your life.

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