Good morning lovelies.
I have been overly tired, literally every day I just want to sleep all day and not work. What a life.
So turning 30 was a big deal, it made me a little bit anxious but it gave me a boost. Massive boost. A boost to grow up. A boost called “now it is time for you to take responsibility for the things you have done”. Well, so far I have been working very hard on that, not because I can’t see my faults but because other people seem to think they never do anything wrong. And I’m a fair person, and I have issues with people telling others that they do wrong all the time, so I’m like: HOLD ON!!!! What did YOU do?? It is so easy to blame others for your broken relationships and think that they are responsible. No, stop! It is your own fault and only YOU can amend this, nobody else. You create your life from the way you treat life, react to life and choose to see life. The worst thing to see more of now that I’m 30 years old is that, grownups are not fully adults and have not left behind their childish side. No, we are KIDS! I have interacted with people lately on a very superficial level and GOSH, the things that come out of their mouths. I mean 35 upwards, and now I know. We never truly grow up, we just add more responsibilities to our daily life, we create new titles along the road, but we always remain kids. Some people think they are behaving like adults but reality is that, until you learn to take responsibility you will forever be an angry kid trapped in a grownups body.
Going back to my reaction when I turned 30 year old, what got me the most was that I felt like I grown up. Within hours, but reality is that I was already in my transition to become a woman during the whole year. I have never seen myself as a proper woman before, if I need to be honest. I haven’t taken full responsibility for what has happened in life, I have self-pity myself massively, I have let others demand my mood, at times I haven’t been fair to others, and I believe that in order to be a woman or a man, there are a lot of requirements according to myself. To be called a woman or a man it is such a big thing in my opinion.
So, when I stepped into my 30s I changed the way I saw myself, it was like a magical painful moment. I can’t behave like I did before, I can’t just chill and take life as it is. I need to make a move, really I should have taken action long before and not waited for my 30 to come. But, you always need to start somewhere and not everyone have their life together as they wish. We all try to get there in one way or another, and we all see our achievements differently. Truth is, I’m just gonna do me, mind me, focus on me, love me, balance me, create a healthier me and mind my own business.
I have tried so hard to be nice to others, justify myself, give them the rights to behave a certain way, giving too much of myself for nothing. A sign of growing up is waking up, you wake up and the things that you did without a doubt, you start questioning and you start seeing things differently. In other words, you start to filter SHIT more.
Moving forward to how I see myself physically, well I have never been in a better shape. I got my abs, I have worked hard on my bum which has grown, my arms are leaner and you see the shape of them, you get me… superficial stuff. It adds to how you feel about yourself of course, I don’t value my looks to a high degree because I do believe that a great personality TAKES over anything. Looks are just looks, and for some of us they fade away with time and for others they still fade away with time.
Gosh, did not know I had so much to explain in regards to how I feel and felt turning 30. They say that writing down things helps you, indeed it does. Now that I have my computer I can write my fingers off, woopwoop. Although, I’m gonna show you a few pictures of my 30th celebration laterrrr.