Would I change it?


Hi my loves, 

My motivation for blogging is on rest at the moment, and especially now with the retrograde. My mental health is literally not balanced, and I don’t mean depressed or anything like that or that I cannot function. I had a situation yesterday that made question my whole entire life. Literally. I was crying hard, I was at my desk and couldn’t keep my tears in. I just felt awful. I know what it is and as much as I know what it is and how good the whole experience is after all. It hurts, its painful, its healthy and bloody hell its is needed. I always search for more in different funny ways, I can easily feel bored within general. Well, my past decisions and how I have been before have been haunting me. It has been terrible and fucking exhausting. The good thing is that, I can just move forward with what I need to work on. How to create a better self and how to maintain my flexibility as a person and still keep my boundaries clear and straight forward. 

So, I had a quick canal catch up with my Bf and some red wine. I needed to have one of them days when I just talk about myself. We had gym and Spanish class booked but life gets hard at times. Anyhow, I was talking to my bf and I went through my previous life and said: I WOULD NEVER CHANGE what happened before or my life before. It has never come to my mind to change it, the times with my old friends never, the fucked up times when you got drunk and did shit things, no I wouldn’t. I said: all those things lead me to where I’m now. Here in London, with you. Like I wouldn’t like to be anywhere else. I strongly felt yesterday that, I don’t belong anywhere else or this was my destiny. London was my call. London was and is what I need right now. I tried to think if there was anything I could have change, but my mind kept on saying: no there is nothing. And it wouldn’t matter because I strongly think London was the decision that was made before. I don’t know.

I have been here in London for a bit more than 5 years and I can honestly tell you that you create a new culture for yourself. The friends you have, what you like, what type of people you like and how like minded are you.I asked once an old friend who lives here, how long it took for her to find her friends and her own ways to feel home here?! And she said: it took me around 4 years to finally feel safe and have the friends I like. I did not believe this, but today 5 years later. Its true, first of all it takes time to get to know yourself in a country. I mean, it isn’t just moving to London and think that your old self is gonna fit with the new culture? No, you have to adapt yourself to the changes, to the British culture in order to call it your home and enjoy what the city has to offer. Adapt yourself to a whole new work culture, and believe me IT IS DIFFERENT than any other country. London is its own country, it has the same amount of people as Sweden. I mean. 

Anyhow, having a settle day today and feel much more relax. I’m forever thankful for having a good boyfriend. And I needed to release some thoughts and now I’m much better. Working out tonight with my gal Kim, and gonna catch up on life. And making plans. This chick just got an awesome work offer and I’m so happy because that means: happy friend, happy friends. 

Enjoy Thursday. 

2 comments on “Would I change it?”

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