There is not doubt that I have come out a little bit wiser since being in Sweden. It has been one of the most turbulence type of trips I have done, since I moved from Sweden. There has been a lot of energy and energies that aren’t even mine, I have been taken onboard and I have been feeling extremely exhausted. Very low and lost, like I don’t have a clue of life. Funny enough, I had a light bulb moment this morning. I wish I could be more open than I’m, I mean giving examples of situations for you to maybe understand a little bit? But at the same time I’m just like, no I’m just writing and people are reading if they want to. This is not for me to inform anyone, or help you to change your life but more so know that we are all on a healing process. We are dealing with it extremely different, some of us have just learned to communicate. Some can’t and don’t want to, or don’t know how to. It is very complex this whole things about healing and how to come back to where you want to be? Or go back to where you suppose to be? I don’t really know how to describe how my journey is. It is a life time journey, but at times I feel so FORWARD and there are days when I’m just like but what? Am I going back to the same? When that happens I feel such a downhill feeling, like I’m disappointed and angry with my self for repeating the same patterns over and over again.
Yes, Sweden… It has been tough but wow finally I have answers. Finally I got to be open about my feelings and let it all out, I spoke a lot about my childhood and how I remember it. I start to dig and see why I’m the way I’m. Why I have certain habits or urge to act this way? Why have I felt that way and why do I feel this way now about that? Wow guys, I did a CHECK on myself. I have cried and let it all out as well.
Nothing of this has to do with anyone else than myself. The truth about myself, I finally see myself more and more.
Apart from all this I have had a emotional beneficial time here, meaning I have like I said let it all out. I have met people I haven’t seen for time, but it just felt positive. All my opinions or grudges I may have had, they were gone? I felt like I just compassion and love for these people. I felt genuine like wow, I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. That is a huge sign of letting go of the old, letting go of the old that you remember that made you feel this and that way.
I don’t want to go back to old habits or have old grudges. I want to continue life more open to understand that people go through their own issues as well, we do wrong at times, but we also change. Some change and they suit us, some change and it doesn’t suit us any longer. I think in life, we need to respect each others journey and imperfections. Accept and support, instead of pointing fingers.
It hasn’t been easy the days here, but definitely rewarding on so many levels. I will be able to take everything I have been dealing with here, back home to London and feel more motivated to changes these patterns I keep going back. Now that I know why, I guess I could help myself better to improve myself in many ways. Embrace my other good qualities, be less fearful, put more healthy boundaries and understand that compassion and vulnerability is key man.
Like, I have a HUGE task when I get back to do.