Leaving 2019 behind..

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..and making better choices 2020.

I found a few good question to ask ourselves at this time.
I don’t know why we need to wait for a new year to start so we can change? It feels silly actually but that is how things are, right?
Anyhow, I will briefly respond myself to these questions below.

What is one small way you can become a better person 2020? For others? For yourself? To be flexible has been my number one goal. I mean, I have passion for so many things but sometimes it is better to be smart by being flexible.

What are you holding onto currently that is no longer serving you? Why are you holding on? What is one small step you can take towards releasing it? Fear. Fear of failing, unfortunately.

Set a goal for 2020 that excites you. Set a goal that scares you. Become more dedicated and less fearful. Saving to a house is another materialistic goal but essential.

What do you want to be a student of 2020? My own life.

Who in your life deserves the biggest thank you for this year? Let them know if you can. There are so many people that are new to my life and they have contributed to so much this year. I wouldn’t come out this year wiser if I didn’t have them for the support.

What can you thank yourself for this year? For listening to myself and accepting the person I’m. For taking care of myself like never before, for creating a stronger bond with myself. For trying to always change to become a better person. For being honest even when it hurts.

What have you outgrown this year? Jealousy or I kinda did that many years ago. This year I stop seeing people as a threat, I don’t care if anyone has better life or does more than me. I’m working on my journey and my healing and that is unique for me. I can’t start comparing something that is so personal. We all get there at the right time. We all get our unique lives we wanna live when the times is right and there. No need to envy anyone.And I have also outgrown the need to always be right – a little bit.

What is an important boundary you’d like to set for 2020? You don’t get my good energy. It is either you are with me or we are not even talking. Easy.

What is a memory this past year that makes you smile just thinking about? All of it. All the good trips we did with our friends. All these small moments with me and Craig at home. The laugh moments with my friends. All of that. I had a great year. And that I hugged my mum like I haven’t done in many years. Small things matters.

As much as I speak very confident about certain things. And as much as I have been happy within myself and try to improve in all ways. Life has been hard – hard to accept. Accept the things I once didn’t care about. I have cried massively lately and try to find answers in myself. My dad died a decade ago and that was a shock. This year, it has been so painful that just writing this makes me cry. I miss him. I miss a person I shared only my young years with. After turning 10, I grew up with my step dad and he did everything he could. He and my mum, they did everything they knew. I can’t blame them. I miss my dad though, being someone little princess, being someones daughter and just be. Digging isn’t always good but I need to heal now from this. It is just weird, it is weird to cry for someone you didn’t “care” about before. Weird to cry and longing for to have your biological dad at your wedding. I guess I just felt forgotten before and now I just feel like a part of me left this earth too early.

I will make things better for the future. And I will continue to be my best friend and do everything that makes me happy. Keep being strong everyone and keep having faith. Life is full of surprises and full of good ones also.

Happy new year.

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