Productive Morning

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Hi amazing people,

Wow and wow, these last couple of days have been SO emotional loaded. I have gone through life and isolation like any other person but with life decisions and yes it has been tough. Although so happy to move forward and do the right thing, and from now on it is more about focusing on the goals and dreams I have. With myself and Craig.

Sometimes life can diverse you from your purpose and what your plans really are, what you would like to do and how to focus on all the things you really want to do. Anyone else with me on this?

I have had the chance to practice a lot of self care during my isolation and I have focused on putting healthy boundaries and know who and what has my attention and energy. Like I have previously explained before, I’m a person that cares a lot and have a strong principle when it comes to friendships. Loyalty and respect. I have done my part when it comes to previous mistakes and I have behaved in a way I wouldn’t even allow myself today. Growing.

Any-who, I have practice yoga, meditation, stretch work out, listening to a ten day course, watching guided meditation and trying to settle my mind. Focus on the right things and try to move forward, and not only with the immediate things. Well, today it has been a good day so far. Craig went to work early and I have early work as well. I started the day by having some ginger tea, a (vegan) probiotic shot and a quick stretch.
I also managed to sweat a lot when I did a work out from the Tone & Sculpt app. Honestly, fucking good app and so many good work outs that are so much more me. Last week, I managed to get through 3 works out from the app even though my body was tired, and I loved it. So, I guess I will start my monthly subscription now. Hehe.

After that sweaty session, I had my therapy session (yes guys, I needed to just get some one else to listen to me and help me to just sort some thoughts out) and that was great, I watched some good videos about our minds, and last I did a quick meditation that did a good job for such a quick sesh.

A quick picture of my sweaty face, a happy sweaty face. Endorphins, you know my obsession.

The reason I have been obsessed with endorphins is because I have been scared of feeling down, I have been scared of not feeling great one morning and not go to work. I fear not feeling good enough and that has led me to have control with my training, and push myself all the time to be active. I have not allowed myself to feel bad, and actually sit with it. I distract myself rather, and for the last couple of months I have had to sit with it.
The uncomfortable isn’t always negative, it means that I need to address this now and make a change. Approach it different, what is this situation and feeling trying to say to me.
I have been good in the past, but I guess at some point you start putting up a “system” to keep things in control. You cannot control life mate. Life is life, life is unpredictable and life will throw you side to side without warnings. Control is obviously a defence mechanism, and in this case I would probably say sublimation maybe? I don’t go crazy on anyone if they cross me, but I do go gym and imagine a ball being their faces. I try to deal with any sort of negative impact with an activity. This is where I go straight. Some people would say, that is amazing though. For me, it is like trying to escape from reality, regardless how positive impact it has on my body. My opinion is, after all these year of doing it: Your body will feel good for some time, on the outside maybe, but you will never find peace unless you chose to deal what is calling.

I think it is time for me to cut this long ass text, that was suppose to be short and ended up with a load of how Maria deals with stuff. Maybe it can give someone some perspective or help someone? I don’t know but I hope so. I hope that you have people around who genuinely want to support you and be there. Not only intentionally, but makes that impact in your life. Gives you that assurance, that they are there for you whenever. If you have those people, count yourself lucky. And if you can write everything down and give yourself that release. Do it. Let go of what does not serve you any longer.

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