Tuesday

A tired Tuesday but I have had a good day, lots of talk and planning and trying to get life sorted. I have been dreaming so much lately, and there is a specific place in my dream that keeps on coming back? It is very weird I can’t even explain it. Anyhow, I’m not doing gym today and will just food prep. I went yesterday and wow I have been killing my abs, I have a six pack but only to be seen when no food has been around. LOL.

My body needs food, and good food every two hours in order to maintain a good weight. I have been sea-food-vegan-flexi-good lately with my health, I feel leaner but more muscle mass and more toned? How I see myself, you may think I look meeeeh.. but that is none of my biz. The picture above was a week ago I think?

And this picture was yesterday, my abs are defo coming forward. It takes time to build a strong core, honestly. I have been dealing with gym for now 3 years, constant and it is NOW my belly finally feels stronger. I guess, that cliche saying does make sense: practice makes it perfect.

I’m gonna head home now from work, I wont visit the gym today. Some muscles on the back of my knees hurt massively. I did Bikram on Sunday and hard core gym yday, let me rest.

I never know what to write once I open my blog, it is like all these topics and ideas disappear. I have quiet few reader now and I’m so amazed that people visit this basic blog. I will make it more fun, and soon I’m doing something and I think I would love to film it and put it out there. I will see…

A letter to Sweden.

I have always believed in the need of letting it all out, verbally, written, physically or in any way that heals us from the inside. By this stage many know my resentment towards Sweden, the country I have constantly blamed for how I have felt. I have felt angry, hatred and disgust and every time someone mention Sweden it gave me goosebumps. I felt I’m done with you and all that comes with it. I have regardless visited Sweden and forced myself to be there because like everyone says: you grow up here? Yes but is it healthy go through the uncomfortable just because it is a place where I grow up? Well my feelings towards Sweden had to do with blame, I blame how naive I was, how I was this and what I went through. But I haven’t gone through more or less than any of my friends? We were all together in the deep rooted need of being there for one another. We had divorced parents, school grades we were unhappy with, parents who maybe weren’t there for us, a couple of us lost our fathers. The only difference between me and my friends was, I came from a different country where I created a life during 10 years prio to Sweden. My mother tongue is Spanish, my culture is Latino, my ways of being were different. By the end of the day, I was a teenager and failed like we all did. It was a part of life isn’t it? I have honestly pushed it away and force myself to believe that a country could take something from me? It didn’t take anything; it just gave me more tools to be unhappy with like a typical teenager. Did my parents do a bad job? No they did as much as they knew and know. Our parents, they are gold and above and beyond. We wouldn’t deal with life like we manage today if we didn’t have them in our lives. We can’t blame our parents or ourselves, it is life.

So here Am I and finally found closure, finally found the urge to come back very soon. Finally I’m leaving in peace and happy. Happy because I spend time with the most important people in my life. The people that is the reason I’m moving, honestly.

The negative view I have had had been bad, how much I have felt proper down in Sweden and like something is missing. What is missing is my attitude to welcome it and accept it as it is.

Sitting on the bus now, on my way to the airport and seeing all green land, the beautiful sky and the fresh air outside. It is beautiful it is bliss. I understand why people enjoy being here. It has taken me 6 years and more to find it satisfying and fun to be here. I think that also comes with boundaries, how I have allowed my energy to be taken and myself to be taken. I’m positive and want to be free from pressure – I have taken the pressure off by accepting things as they are. sometimes you have to surrender and accept it.

When you surrender, it is fucking hard. It is hard because it is like letting go a piece of yourself, your personality – the person you are. Let’s take an example of my latest healing process, it was quite hard to start 2020. It felt like proper growing pains, leaving all behind, trying to accept, trying to continue to accept the person I’m and becoming. Accept that life isn’t fair. Accept that life isn’t fair? Hold on, I’m a libra how is that gonna be possible? I live like this. It gave me belly ache, removing ways of yourself because they do not work anymore and they don’t take you as far as you would like to go. It has become stressful to always stand up for myself, for details for this and that or them. It has cost me time, energy, jobs and effort. There are time I’m proud of that side of me, and I’m glad I have that. I’m glad I’m not letting people take the piss. Even my cousins in Ecuador had said to my mum: Maria is strict and straight forward.

Does it always work to be equal or to try to demand equality? No not always. This happened all January, I was analysing and feeling it. How does it feel to stop reacting to all unfairness every time? It is life – life isn’t fair. It is fucking not. All I can say is that, I’m balancing it or try to see how I’m gonna balance it in present and future. This characteristic trace I have, isn’t with me for no reason. You don’t have a hard core way of being for no reason, it is either trying to teach you or regardless it is a tool for life. Depends how you use it. And here I’m now learning that. We have to learn in life that not everyone is waiting for you to fall. The only person that you will ever disappoint is yourself. So whatever job you do with yourself , that is between you and you.

I have finally taken myself as the only person responsible for any actions taken in my life. And there is where I let go of Sweden but I embrace it with open arms, and say thank you for giving me comfort, a life, friends for life, a home, school, possibilities, memories, trips, laughter, drunken nights, lost nights, too many hangover days, my own little flat, a chance to try university for free.

It wasn’t fair always, but that was life. And I would never go back and change it. Ever. I feel emotionally because this time I felt more grounded and thankful.

Once you have accepted who you are in life, who you becoming and how your life today isn’t the same as it was ten years ago. Your boundaries changes, you no longer tolerate what once was, you respect yourself and unfortunately not everyone is ready for the new grown ass person you are creating. It scares many, but this is how life goes. We move on, we change and we change for only ourselves. No one else.

Oh well, this was one of the most peaceful post I have written about Sweden. I feel done having remorse and resentment towards Sweden, I feel like I can finally go back to sweden again and enjoy it with new eyes, new positive energy and perspective. I didn’t know Sweden was the “person” I needed to dedicated a letter to. But doing that, it helped me to let go of ALOT.

Write a letter, to a place, person, or something you feel strong feelings for. Either positive or negative ones. Let it out?

Dunn’s river fall – Ochi

How do I even start how Dunn’s river was? Jamaica has pure beauty and for such a small island, things are almost unreal.

We booked Dunn’s river via the resort, they have a pre designed package deal that includes food, party boat, transfer and Dunn’s river fall. You don’t have to do all these things but we didn’t like to complicate stuff and start researching how AM to get away cheaper. You leave around 9-10 to get to the centre of Ocho Rios, the boat takes you then to Dunn’s river but the beach entrance. Prepare for a climbing session in bikini. We were lucky to have bought water shoes prio, they were huge help.

The party boat was something I didn’t like at first, the idea of being on a boat and drink and it also swings back and forth. Meeeh, I wasn’t keen at all. Once reading the whole excursion itinerary, I was more relieved.

The party boat takes you out to swim and look at the fishes and see the coral reeves at first. I love the sea and all of that but I was ready for the Dunn’s river that looking at the fishes – I did find it a bit boring.

Once arriving to the Dunn’s river my face was like a kids face, Maria 8 years old. Honestly I couldn’t be happier, I was amazed over everything. I was loving nature on another level.

I love beaches, and for me I found them calming and beautiful. It doesn’t really matter what beach, just being near the water and with the forest behind you. Different story. Back in Ecuador that was very common, we often had big mountains behind the beach and that added more beauty.

Above you can see the Dunn’s river and how popular it is. I was like a big kid and had big smile on my face.

After the whole climbing up through the river and taking loads of pictures, it was time to return to the beach and jump on the boat again for more party. We made a stop for some food, obviously jerk chicken. At the restaurant they also had a tiny beach and after the food I couldn’t sit down and rest. I went straight to the beach and was swimming around and minding my own business before heading back to the resort. You will rarely see me swimming in pools but give me nature and I’m the first to jump in.

I must say, I did enjoy this excursion and I could do it again with my kids. They did say the water was cold but for me it was just normal. Helloooo… I lived in Sweden and when I was young; we start swimming in the lake late April. So I’m used to colder waters but this just pure fresh. Loved it.

You can see the boat they use. I don’t even know what these boats are called. Sorry not a boat person.

That was a little bit of that excursion and what we did. I rather not give too much inside outs because you probably want to have a surprise if you go there and not assume.

Later today I will post a post about intermittent fasting by the way, a lot of people were asking me yesterday and why not giving you the right information and share my experience.

Speak soon xxx

OCHO RIOS

We landed in Montego Bay, after that we took a coach to Ocho Rios where we stayed the whole time. We used Jewel Dunns River Resort – Adults only. It was decent, all we needed and great service. Great food. I’m not fussed, but one thing – HYGINE IS PRIORITY. They provided with good service at all times.

For the first time in Jamaica, after being there I would suggest Ochi to stay. Ochi is close to all the excursions, Dunns River Fall, Blue Hole, Mystic mountain (where you can ride the bobsled, zip lining and the sky line), Marttha Brae. We did most of the excursions in Ocho Rios. I will post day by day.

Jamaica was top top, the weather couldn’t have been better apart from the last two days – hot but a bit rainy.
In Ocho Rios we did some more things apart from the excursions. We visited the Kaya Herb House, had a great jerk chicken sausage pizza, sat and swing with the hammocks, we also visited Scotchies Jerk Center located next door to Kaya Herb House. A must if you are in Ochi.


Scotchies also have a love design, proper jamaican style. The seating area is just lovely and you actually feel the authenticity of the place.

We also ate a few times outside the resort, first day we went to the centre in Ocho Rios, had some food and tried to do some shopping,. Honestly, I rather do shopping where the locals do theirs. I know that I’m a typical tourist but I like to be around locals more.

I will post more later, but now I need to get back to my studies and finsih this degree and finally work as a Nutritionist. Soon come…

Box Hill

The weekend was extremely calm. Nowadays once a month my friends and I do some sort of ritual together and spend time all Saturday. It is like a recharge – spiritual session. I would love to explain further of what we do and how it goes but the experience is secret. Not secret but I’m not up for telling anyone my journey in depths.

I didn’t take any pictures on Saturday at all. On Sunday I took a few though, Alexis and I took ourselves to Box-Hill in Surrey. Spend a few hours there, just breathing nice air and recharge with nature.

Love all kinds of mushrooms there are out there. I heard that they have only identified 50K strains and there are so many more.

Box Hill is not far, at least not from us. Gonna start doing this a little bit more often, Craig and I are always taking walks in the woods but much this year though, hmm..


It was amazingly satisfying to be out in the woods, chill and talk about life as usual. My body is screaming oxygen, my body needs to breath and this is one of the thing that came to my mind on Saturday. It was literally like my body was screaming, OXYGEN. Is it just me or does your body talks to you sometime? I try often to listen to my body and analyse what it wants, how it feels. Apart from the typical tiredness, why is my back aching specific on this area? A lot of the pain I’m having is emotional, a lot of unnecessary guilt and I think that sometimes can cause stress in my life. I will explain later of what I mean with guilt, in what sense. I don’t think I have hurt anybody in a traumatic manner but guilt there is, in my life.

Anyhow, continuing with my Box Hill experience. It was lovely and recharging.

x

Ritual food

On Friday late after work, I had an appointment and then left for Dorset. I hired a big house for 12 people and celebrated Callum’s birthday. It was amazing scenery and it felt extremely relaxing. It rained but twice we saw the stars so clearly. We could see everything.

It was good to go away from the big city, just no do anything. Even though you are off and at home, you think of the things you have to do.

We are some good food, drank som nice wine, had good sleep, stayed up late, talked shit, marathon watched TopBoy – football was included. Yeah like a big family.

When we get together, we don’t have must or feel like we have to entertain. We chill and we enjoy each other’s company through energy.

Food was both vegan and non vegan.

Sunday ChillDay

Sunday has been so chilled for me. I woke up so late, it has been very stuffy in the air lately or well these last couples of days. I have been catching up with sleep during the weekends, and even then I’m doing things apart from today. I want to say I haven’t done anything today, but end up doing meal prep with the food I’ve got from HelloFresh. Baked a vegan plantain bread, and I will share the recipe later as I haven’t put it together yet. I take one recipe from the internet and change it slightly different. More so the sweetness of it, how rich I want it to be etc except the batter. I follow that part religiously.

I have also made myself ready for a new week. When I’m on my zone of cooking and cleaning, I’m literally so quick. I do things most people take a whole day off to do their things. I can be effective, and I believe everyone can be productive when they want to. I like to go on and then stop once everything is completely done. Was cleaning the kitchen so hard and now my hands are dry as fuck – important thing is that I left the kitchen clean and nice.
I usually look forward to a new week, this new week coming I’m need to focus on getting fit and back to the gym. Next week it will be a load of activities, I think?

I’m doing gym tomorrow and will try to fit in at least 3-4 active days this week. I’m away this weekend so I’m not sure how… and also I have lots of after work things to do.

Ending this post with a couple of pictures from last Sunday, Anya and I took ourselves to Brighton. We laid at the rocky hard beach and enjoyed the sun, ate some snacks, had ice cream after and before taking the train back home. We walk up the hills and enjoyed a beautiful view of the sea.

Bought some rose and got a little bit tipsy, just a little bit.

And got some vitamin D, good amounts.

Forgot that I had some pictures, so there you go…

Stockholm | Winterland


On Thursday after work I left London and landed in Stockholm, my cousin from Spain came at the same time so we met up at the airport. It was good to have her here because if I felt a bit agitated, I could just talk to her. Sweden has a funny way of making me feel fed up, usually the middle days then it all goes back top: Im gonna miss this. Anyhow, it was good to be here and I managed to see my best friend and her kids but not more friends. To be honest, it has been cold and the weather isn’t my favourite. Minus 13 was it at one point on my way home yesterday from Sodermalm. It was like cutting my fingers off even though I was wearing north pole gear.

I’m going to London tomorrow, gonna try to get as much as sleep as possible before heading back. Today waved good bye to my cousin flying back to Barcelona. The trains have been ridiculous, delayed and cancelled. Delayes due to weather conditions? I’m like it always snows here? It is the same in England, I’m like it always rains here haha.
Anyhow after landing home, I ate more chocolate goey cake. I think I have over consumed dairy, gluten, animal products. Sorry!

Oh, and EspressoBar had the best cinnamon bun. I mean, THE BEST! Gonna bring a few with me. Shouldn’t even continue to eat this type of foods but I can’t say no right now.

Stockholm is beautiful, and I’m sad that I don’t feel peace here or happiness. It is really sad, like I don’t feel at home even though it was my home for so many years. I guess it might be the way I just feel about it, definitely something I need to heal from. Deal with it and go in deep in my soul to understand what energy here is triggering the feeling of feeling odd?

Gonna watch some more yoga series from the Himalayas. Yes, I’m feeling my yoga. This evening I have been trying to get my mum to try three simple asanas in order to release a bit of stress. Guide her through like the teachers have showed me. I do enjoy yoga and I will continue with it and hopefully I will be teaching YOU.

Jamaica here we come..

Hi Guys,

Happy Monday.

The weekend passes so quickly, I did not do much at all. I’m like that and I’m never stress in order to do something extra on the weekends. I like to feel doing something but nothing major at all. The biggest highlight of this weekend was that…WE BOOKED OUR TICKETS TO JAMAICA!
I’m so excited to visit Jamaica, and this time it looks like we are a big group. We are going with another couple, but I think a few other people will come as well. Aaahh can’t wait. At least one of the big trips planed and paid. Next is Ecuador which I’m doing a month after coming back from Jamaica. Did I say save this year? Haha, booking in advance is a way of saving I guess?

Apart from booking our tickets to Jamaica, we also visited Ikea for some bits and pieces we needed. And chocolate, yes it is that time of the month again. Seems like Craig is joining it as well, he ate the whole chocolate bar. I never care about sweets unless it’s that time of the month.

What was I wearing? I felt for having my new shoes my boyfriend gave me (I LOVE THEM SO MUCH). They are from Topshop, my faux fur is from River Island (I need to stop using so much), jeans are from GAP called 360, jumper and gloves from Primani.

That was my weekend, and Sunday was a good day. The way we managed everything. I woke up and started to take care of the laundry and tidy up, went to grab some lunch, visited Ikea, by the time I got back home I was hungry again so I made some dinner and we literally chilled the whole night after that. Early and relaxed. Apart from me having hard to maintain my sleep, kept on waking up all the time. Warm? Cold? Itchy? Backpain? I don’t know.

YOUR GOALS…

Should be only for yourself, and should not be compared with the rest of the world. If you accomplish something, you aren’t better than anybody else you are just better than your old self. Don’t compete with anyone, apart from yourself. Set goals YOU want and not what the media highlights from everybody else. Also, be patience and be nice to yourself.

My goals this year or shall I say: I’m gonna do more of this and try to stick to this.

Yoga. I will continue with Bikram and sign to another Yoga Therapy Course. These courses are amazing, and you learn the basics which helps to get the best out of the class.

Train more gym. I have got the opportunity to be a ambassador for a gym company. I’m gonna make sure I build this body to the maximum. If you know me, you know I look for deals in order to skip paying. I don’t like to pay to exercise when you could easily get your dream body if you have: motivation, ambition and patience.

without my eyes shut obviously.

Meditate more. For few weeks I have been taking a few minutes to do some quick yoga before waking up properly. It has helped a bit, now I just need to add meditation every morning before work. I want a stress-free life please!

To meditate with palo santo and sage burning is just, super good energy environment.

Stop drinking coffee. One of my biggest money spender is coffee. I can live without coffee and have no issue functioning when I’m not working. I just need to get rid of the mentality of drinking coffee every morning when I work.

I have tried everything that is a substitute to coffee. Although, I’m gonna go for the most natural thing instead of coffee. Sleep!

Travel more. I have planned a lot for this year, my only problem is TIME. I hate the fact that I need to ask someone else than myself for holiday? I mean work. Anyhow, I need to plan properly. Gonna use all bankholidays and stuff. More plan ahead in order to do what I always want to do every year. TRAVEL.

Positano.

Do more girls trips. I have a few trips I want to do with my friends. Just gonna find the correct date and see who is coming. I fancy a few girls trip this year. I want to chit chat and be loud and be me with my girls. Drinks, good food, good music, good dance, good clubs, good relaxing time, good read in the sun, good yoga session and watch the sun rise.

This is my physical to-do list, more of this. I will write down also my mental to-do list. What mindset I will try to have in order to create balance in my life. I’m always on search for balance because I know that balance is my tool for a feeling good life. There are so many things I will do to create more balance, I will let you know of any methods I try.