What makes you happy? | 20.09.18

I will share what makes me happy every morning, or put a smile on my face.
Every morning that I jump off the tube to get to work, I see this homeless man with his dog a German shepherd. This dog reminds me of my dog we had, he was also a German shepherd.
I smile every time I pass them two, I look at the dog and he gives me such a happiness inside. I remember our dog and how happy and annoying and cosy he was. He was this big massive dog but with a heart of gold. He never went aggressive on any human beings and he loved kids. He was always happy around them, the older he got he got a little bit slower and cosier. Ahh I miss him man, Nicke was his name. He came to be a family member, that type of fussy family member that only eats good foods, preferably cooked meal so he can digest it easier lol. Yeah our dog was one of the kind. He loved to be around us, a little bit too much but he always followed my mum or me into the bathroom and just sat there meanwhile I was showering or doing my make up or doing something else. The clever thing he used to do was to look away if we just had a shower and were naked. This dog had some manners you know. He was like a person, he knew when to go out and when I said: listen you need to shit now because it is -15 and my bones are killing me. Yalla yalla…
Let me tell you that he listen to it and he knew what it meant, it meant: if I don’t shit now she is going up any second and I will be moaning again. So let me just start… hahaha

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I have more things that makes me happy in the morning, one of them is the cuddling minutes before jumping off the bed and get to work. Craig loves to cuddle, and he wraps me with his legs around me hahaha. I’m not a massive cuddling person while I’m sleeping, but I do love the morning ones.
I do take time to say good bye as I leave earlier than him, I say good bye and how much I love him and how much I’m gonna miss him. I make sure I kiss him properly.
I used to just say good bye and kiss him quickly, now I go up earlier to have time to get prepared properly and also put an effort to give him and me a good start. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the people around us, and we have to remind them how much we appreciate them.

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Anyhow, what makes you happy today?

Feminine | Keep the Goddess in you!

 

Have you ever wondered where your feminine side has gone? Or have you maybe tried to let go of your feminine side because being more like a man is more acceptable, less painful and affordable in life?

I can honestly say that, I’m guilty for trying to collect with me the qualities of how it is to be a man, or man-like. Coming from a history where I was vulnerable and I thought: I need to change my approach. Become more strict, become more this, just to mimic the man. Truth is that, be a woman but that doesn’t mean that you need to stand your ground in the most aggressive and strict way. I approached life differently before my current relationship, I was just calm and didn’t have to stand my grounds as hard. You think that you need to put boundaries in order to be respected in a relationship. Yes, of course but the way of dealing with it is not to become like a man. What is being a man really?

Getting in a relationship and have to change because of the past decision you have made, it does changes you. I can say that it works to be a little bit less sensitive but it doesn’t work the long run. The same with, being a soft yes-man that allows the wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend to do whatever. It works, because he/she likes the flexibility you have. Although, it doesn’t work in the long run because you have allowed too much and now he/she does whatever it comes to his/her mind. The actions of the other partner becomes acceptable because you once or twice or a few times allowed a certain behavior just to make it easy for yourself. See where I try to get? Everything needs to happen with balance.

In my case, I’m not a yes-man at all. I’m the opposite, I’m very hard to impress, and I don’t find everything funny. Yes, I’m one of those awkward people sometimes. I seem to have a very hard side, on the surface but I’m the biggest softis you will ever know.
I have lost the touch a little bit of my feminine side and I want that back. Be an independent woman that still can reach out and ask for a helping hand. I do it myself can sometimes cost you, people treat you maybe with less sensitivity and you expect so much hardness from yourself.

Every relationship with another person, friend or partner has to be balanced. I’m telling this to myself, and I hope others can think about this as well if you are in need. I have struggled because I have seen myself as ONE only, and I always believed that I can do it on my own. Bravo and great, but asking for support and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of unity I would like to say. Helping each other, show your vulnerability without being ridicule, show the soft side of yours without losing yourself, show that you care without feeling used. To know your priorities should be a way of creating balance, we all think differently but we should not loose ourselves in order to entertain or please others or please the way society think females should behave.

I’m very open this year with my own journey, my personal journey with myself and how I have dealt and deal with life, how I want to be and what I try to do in order to changer for the better.
This is one of my feminine side that I have taken back, tell my story without being a victim. Meet people with the same journey as me, interact and inspire each other with a sensitive approach. The understanding I have to my fellow human beings has not faded away, I still have it. I just need to utilize it with respect, respect towards myself and my feminine self.

I’m a feminist in many ways, but I still think that being a feminine is not about losing the touch of being a female. It is about standing your ground for unfairness, standing your grounds to create a better atmosphere in this world. We don’t have to behave like men in order to hit back, we don’t have to copy what the man does just to create justice. It is about accepting what it is, but you don’t have to deal with it all the times. Know when to let go, know when it is enough and know when to say no.

To have boundaries doesn’t mean to behave harder, aggressively or overly rational at all times. I want to create a balance life with my feminine side without coming across as an angry female.

Although, it is not really that we have forgotten to be females, or to be vulnerable. I think this world today, and how it has been has created so much unfair towards females, that what it is in the air is FRUSTRATION. Be heard, be respected, taken seriously, we matter as well, we have feelings, our jobs are important too, our individual life is important as well.

I know that we females can do anything, and more. I know that we are capable of anything, I know that we are wiser than we think we are. I know that we are needed massively for this world to function. We are here for a reason and we need to understand that underestimating ourselves or others is not the answer. To continue to view the woman as a less important or serious human being is not the solution to peace.

We don’t want to take your place men, we don’t want to do all the things you do, and we don’t want to come across as hard and manly as you think. We just want the world to see us for what we are, Goddess of this universe and without us there is no life.

Never apologize for being a woman.

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THUUURSDAAAAY!

What a day, what a day!
I’m not in the best mood today and honestly I feel like screaming to every person that has been an asshole to me. I know that isn’t the answer to all my problems but you know when you just feel angry!

I did not get the best sleep at all, my eyes stings, not even coffee has helped and I feel more restless than ever. Like I just don’t want to be a work because I feel too angry. I’m annoyed and disappointed as well. Anyhow, luckily I have managed to cool down a bit after writing on my journal and just let it go. I cuss people or things or situations on my journal, it has no filter at all. I cuss myself plenty of times as well, I make sure I ask questions to myself and also try to keep it positive.

I have so many thoughts in my head and so many things I want to stop doing, such as drinking coffee. Coffee is not good for me or for anyone when being greedy. I can drink up to 2 cups or large cups of coffee and continue. Without coffee I don’t function or I do, but it gets a little bit harder to deal with people at work.

Apart from not having a good day or be the way I wish I could tackle this Thursday. I had a good class yesterday at 1Rebel in St Mary Axe. It was focus on the lower body and abs. They had created two different “stations”, once where you shape your body and the other was to run. I have not done cardio in a very long time, so it did feel good and I managed to sweat a lot. Came out of the gym all relaxed and I got a nice glow after sweating. Is it only me that feel the detox?

 

 

WEDNESDAY | Salty Yoga

Happy hump-day! 

Oh gosh, my body today is in pain. I haven’t trained this “hard” for a couple of weeks, and I went for boxing. It was very good but I can feel it massively today.
Regardless, I’m going for another class but maybe one that is easier and relaxing?

So what is new in life? What is going on with my own life? Well, I’m trying to get my self balanced and back on track. Food and fitness back on track, I would like to say. I also don’t like to rush things, I have seen everyone posting about fitness and how good they feel. I haven’t really forced myself but I have taken inspiration from their motivation (oh lalala rhymes) and what they post on instagram. To be completely honest, I don’t train like the people on my instagram. I have a different approach and different body, like everybody else?

Anyhow, I have been saying that I’m gonna be better with my routines but honestly I cannot be asked to think of the millions things I have to complete and do. Recently I have focus a lot on my relationship and myself, and creating a better atmosphere around me. Sometimes, we have to take one thing at the time and not rush. Not sleep, but not rush.

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This picture I took yesterday after my boxing class. It was a lot of abs yesterday and for some reason I get in shape quicker than before. It is not something that I LOOOVE to be slim, I actually want my boobs back but I have enjoyed it and now it is time to get back my body in a better stage.

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Tonight I wasn’t going to push my body more but I found this Salty Yoga class for tonight and I’m going.

“Salty Yoga Achieve a heightened breathing potential to improve your body’s resilience and vigor. Salty Yoga combines halo-therapy salt room breathing with positions that boost respiratory system awareness and depth. It will help you discover a more relaxed and responsive state through controlled breathing techniques in the presence of Himalayan salt vapors and its many health benefits.

Salt is a mineral rich in anti-bacterial, anti-viral and anti-inflammation properties. Since ancient times, salt therapy has been widely-recognized as a means of strengthening the immune system and improving overall health. Although salt baths are more generally known and accepted, salt breathing—or halo-therapy—finds its roots right alongside other forms of ancient salt therapy methods. Salt gives off negative ions, which, when breathed deeply, may help our bodies balance the storm of positive ions we absorb from phones, computers and TVs as well as much of the electrical technology we are exposed to on a daily basis. It could help promote a greater equilibrium in our bodies, as well as keep us stronger, healthier and more resilient to the outside world.”

Reading that, I was sold!
I will try to take pictures and show you how it looks like, meanwhile you can also get a classpass for a month and try all the nice classes. If you want to, here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STOP SELF DOUBT | self care

STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF!
I’m gonna start this post but I also know it is a long one. 

Have you ever felt like you don’t know yourself anymore? As if the person you are is completely wrong? Well, I have! For a period I have question myself, not because I’m insecure (I have my days like any other human being) and hate myself. What I have understood is, I doubt myself when people around me expect certain behaviour from me and way of treating them. Whilst I’m treating them and doing things the way I think it is right (we will always think that our way is the best way?).
I have also understood that we damage so much with ourselves and others with the high expectations we have. We expect this and that. I have also understood that people’s ego LOVE to behave a certain way towards you but would hate you treating them with the same lower standards. So that is what they don’t expect, humans don’t expect you to behave badly towards them because they do it to you (or in some cases we expect the worst), they expect gold and luxury treatment regardless the way they behave. This is just nature of the EGO.

I had a very good example happened to me, I was questioned about myself as a person and how I carry myself. I obviously defended myself by saying well what about you? But the other person didn’t think their way was anything unusual or bad? Do you understand where I want to get with this? We are experts on pointing fingers, judging and make people question themselves because we don’t agree with the way they carry themselves.
Is any of us born perfect and flawless? NONE!

I did the big mistake by feeling very bad for a couple of weeks (I’m learning), because of the way a certain situation made me feel. I was like: Oh gosh, I need to change. I’m bad. I’m horrible. Why did I do that? Why do I behave that way when I don’t want to? My way of being is not good, I need to change completely. And this is the worst, you actually killing yourself with so much self-doubt. I’m not saying the problems are caused by others, by I’m not going to hide it but: humans need to stop expecting so much without giving so much or without being perfect themselves. It doesn’t add up, not in my head.

I did doubt myself massively, to a point that I did not like myself at all. This only lasted for a short amount of time. That short amount of time was horrible tho. Coming to a clear mind-set and looking into my soul and myself and the person I love. Myself. I’m not a bad person at all, and I’m a human being with all the rights to sin (the only way to learn and progress) and all the rights to make life better than yesterday. I shouldn’t beat myself with over thinking about myself, the person I know FOR SURE. The person I have spent almost 30 years with, the person that is me. I love this person and I actually get really sad when I think about how bad I have been to myself. I get really sad. I’m my best friend and you don’t wish to treat the people you love bad right? We also have days when life isn’t smiling the way we want to and what do we do? We beat ourselves up with bad criticism about the life we live or we behave different towards others.

Reality is different if I can make my individual judgment. Reality of life is different, firstly we are humans. Doh! The most truthful truth is that every human being is in need of attention, compassion and to be selfish. We want and we ask, and we get but sometimes we are not willing to give the same respect or approach as we get. We take people for granted, we take things for granted and we only think of our best wellbeing. I don’t judge anyone, at all. I know that our nature is like that, but our nature has also allowed us to be mindful to others. To not only think we are the centre of everyone else’s life. We can only expect that from our parents until a certain age, and even them that love us to death and we are still not the centre of their lives.
So, to the doubting side. We are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings but we can at least be mindful. And the reason why I’m saying that is because, none of us live the perfect pictured life. We all have issues on our own, we deal with struggle but in different levels or categories. Still struggle though. There is no reason to point fingers, yes we tend to do this so often. I do that sometimes because certain behaviour I think is not what I would do. And plenty of times I stop myself thinking: why would she/he do the same as me? We are two completely different people, different background, parents and in some cases culture. We need to accept other people the way they are, allow them to feel safe and respect and accepted.

I do question others, but I sometimes tend to question myself for a bit first instead of blaming how others are to get a better view of the situation. Sometimes it isn’t about them, sometimes it is about how we deal with the situation life introduces to us.

Stop doubting on yourself, stop listening to people “advise” or talk on how to be a person. Speak on how to create a better place and how to feel better, yes of course. We cannot demand on how people should live their lives or how to be. What do we know? Are we in their shoes? No, we can’t know nor understand unless we are going through THE SAME THING. Usually, we are going through similar but it will never be the same feeling. We will never be able to feel the same, feelings are unique. Feelings are individual. Stop telling people how to behave or how to be or how to feel.

All I’m saying is that, none of us knows what is best for the other person. Sometimes the person herself/himself don’t know, so why should we know? It is just common sense in my head. I’m a logical person. If you don’t ask, you don’t know. If you don’t experience, you wont know. We need to stop with the high expectations and allow people to just do good without us preparing ourselves for what comes next. Why? Live in the present and lower the expectations. I just try to live a life where people treat me with the same respect, I don’t expect more than what I can give to you. And sometimes I understand that for some it is different than for me. We love and live different ways, our parents and the society have taught us to love differently because of our own interpretations of life. None of us get the meaning of life spot on like our fellow friend. We see things differently, we have different perspective of life so instead of judging everybody for the way they are. We should understand that we have been created and shaped differently because of the circumstances, also the way our parents grow up and that made an impact on us etc etc etc. It is not about dividing us because we are different, our mindset and culture might be different but we are all humans. We all have feelings and we all want love.

We cannot judge others for being this and that, meanwhile being the same. In order to create a better place for yourself and your beloved ones, create acceptance first.

Self doubt stops you from growing, expanding and become a better person.

5 step to deal with self doubt:

  • Ground yourself: When you find yourself being pulled into the negative thoughts, staying present is the key to be able to focus on the positive.
  • Balance the negative: easy to be in these moments of self criticism. Try to write down positive things that you like about yourself. At least 10 things. It can be anything, but just try to balance it out.
  • Take a break: sometimes taking a break from those things that have made you doubt on yourself can be a good thing. Take a break to create a balance head space. Maybe focusing on something completely different. Doodle, scribble, paint with your hands. Put your favorite music on and dance.
  • Nurture yourself: when in self doubt, it is so easy to forget to take care of ourselves. Remember to stay hydrated, eat healthy nutritious food, get some good sleep.
  • Connect with others: so important. Sometimes it is important and healthy to speak to other people, like a therapist, a friend, someone you feel comfortable with. It is good to understand that we are not the only ones experiencing hard times or self doubt. We all do. Talking with people who understand and been there before can create a huge support in your life.

Monday | weekend pics.

HAPPY MOOOOONDAY!

How was the weekend?
On Friday after work I met my bf for some drinks and food in Brixton, and we ended up going back home early and slept like babies. I getting old, because I cannot be out for too long. I start yawning by the time the clock shows 11.30pm.

On Saturday, we went for some food in Crystal Palace and enjoyed a little bit of sun. I was going to the LondonSwedes Cray Fish Party but it didn’t go the way I expected so I decide to just enjoy a day in the area. I was as sleep at 11.30pm again. Yes, I’m a granny.

Sunday was the fun day of the weekend. We celebrated family members of Craig outside London. It is always nice to see everyone, we do try to meet up the young adults and do our thing. I think we should plan some more trips and hangs before we all have kids.

Anyhow, how are you today? I woke up feeling very happy but there is something that drags me down in the back of my head. It is like, I want to be happy and I feel happy but I don’t know what to feel. I think I know what it is, and I might be completely blunt and tell you how it is…

So pics from the weekend.

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Duke of Edinburgh Pub in Brixton is a nice pub. 
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Craig’s little sister and grand mothers bday. 
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New favs | list.

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I like when I get new favorites in my life, anything that makes my soul happy in an honest way is always welcome. Like this medley of fruits and nuts.
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A new simple smoothie mix I made yesterday for the first time.
Ingredients:
Fresh lime juice
Frozen strawberries and banana
2 medjool dates
1 tsp marine collagen
1 tbsp nutritional yeast
Filtered water
Agave syrup or any sweetener you like

So easy and refreshing. Love the lime juice included. This surely is a late summer edition.
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Craig and I are soooo obsessed with home made guacamole. Guacamole and nacho chips is our new thing. Try it with Tesco’s nacho chips.

I wish I could have new BIG food favorites so I can eat all day long. I love food but my appetite is not there all the time. I force myself to snack, I force myself to eat bigger plates and to always eat because my mind is not craving food all the time.

ANDALUCIA|Maybe?

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Planning a trip for your 30th birthday is very very hard. Boyfriend wants to surprise me but he knows how I’m and not so good with surprises. Can I just let go of the control soon? Fussy is the name!

Anyhow, I was thinking of Morocco for 5 days and just relax there at the same time I’m not keen on Morocco as much as I thought. I have chosen Andalucia (still deciding) which is a close to Morocco and possible still warm by the time my birthday is coming.

I haven’t planned which province to visit yet, I’m thinking Seville or Malaga. I just want to enjoy some sun, nice food, some hispano-moorish architecture. Flamengo is a great dance that I would love to experience and watch them all dancing.

I can’t wait. I have said that I just want to be happy for my 30th, and have good people around me and good health. Walk my life journey happy and content, motivated by life and the people around me. I want to feel healthy and strong. So, all of that fancy party isn’t that important any more. Or has it ever been?

Anyway, uploaded some pictures from the internet so you can see what I’m about to enrich my soul with. Nature and freedom.

The older I get, the more I ask for stillness and for myself to be more mindful and live in the present. I guess the priorities and what we like changes with time.

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Another HotYoga | Hybrid Fitness

Hi!

What a short work week I’m having. I took off Tuesday after the bank holiday, it kind of makes sense having the next day off. The small privileges we allow us to have.
Oh well, yesterday after work I went to Hybrid Fitness for a HotYoga class with a lovely lady called Tameka. It was good and I really do enjoy doing Yoga, and I’m obsessed with HotYoga.

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Maybe this is true, maybe I’m trying to look for happiness for my body. I mean get it more flexible. 

Can you practice too much yoga? And how much is too much?

I have been practicing yoga now for a whole week, hot yoga and normal yoga. I absolutely love it and cannot wait for the next class. Although, I don’t want to overdo it and get tired of it. At the same time it is like my body craves yoga, and wants it every day. Has someone experienced similar? Due to me sitting in front of a desk every day, my back is really sore especially by the trapezius muscle group. The whole area is just tight and painful, like I need constant stretching every night before I go to sleep. I even have a note next to my desk, where it says how to stretch whilst sitting at the desk.

Another thing that I really want to stop with is, holding my phone. I have a phone neck, an iPhone neck. Horrible, and can we believe that we humans have created this to ourselves? Anyway, yesterday after my yoga I jumped on the train and went straight to our friends dad’s birthday. Stay there for a bit and enjoyed some laughing and have a nice social evening with friends. Just another Tuesday!

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What type of training will I go for today? I was thinking of trying a proper class of Calisthenics instead of yoga today, but I’m pretty sure I might for go for Pilates or a normal yoga. Can I just try to change and get out of my comfort zone? Well the comfort I have created quite quickly.

 

ABOUT THIS AUTUMN | better self

Happy hump-day.

I feel like myself again, haven’t felt that much recently. I’m getting back on my horse again and hopefully life will feel more balanced.

Has it been a rough year so far? I think so, but a good one at the same time. Well, I cannot wait to change life to a better one. To change my approach to life in general. How to deal with situations better, how to care about myself more, and how to choose positivity instead of questioning myself all the time.

This autumn, I’m ready to become a better person, to create a better life for myself, to create more good memories and stop wasting time worrying about how others expect me to be. Drop the massive expectations of being in certain way and maybe just be and have faith that life will always smile at you. I can only do my part in life, and that is so much I can control. Myself!

I have a couple of things I want to change, do more, and stop doing. Let see what we can change…

Things I want to do more of:

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Yoga/Meditation – Since I started with yoga last week, I’m craving it. It has made me feel so much better, so much more awake and in tuned with my true self. I want to continue to do yoga and create a better training atmosphere for myself.

100 % plant based – I have without thinking being vegan and not even care about having animals, for the last couple of weeks. But I’m going to stick to this more and now that I have a food processor. Life becomes easier I guess?
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Plantbased pesto with gluten free pasta.

Do more social things
– I’m a lazy cow and I’m going to change that completely. I need to do more fun stuff with friends, book myself for the cinema, go for more events and just do more things. I don’t want my home locations to restrict my social life.
Read more books – I have start reading more now and also listening to podcast. I just have felt that social media has taking over my time massively. I don’t even look into it, it is just lots of moaning from me every time. I find Instagram very intense, fake and TOO much of nothing.

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Things I want to change:

How I priorities my life – the way I give my time to people and to unnecessary thoughts can be unreal. I’m being honest and this is something that has to stop. I need to put my mind and focus into the good things that I have, the good projects I’m dealing with and all of that. Prioritize RIGHT!

My wardrobe – I want to do a BIG cleanse and just create a more minimalist style. I love the whole extra sometimes but I want more quality in my wardrobe. I need to change it and throw away some stuff I will never wear again.
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Things I want to stop doing:

Justify myself – Not everyone cares about you justifying yourself. Once they have a thought about you, forget about trying to change that. Sometimes it is easier to just let go, learn when to let go of the need of having control. My advice to myself.

Losing the power of myself – I need to stop beating myself down and be more gentle. Stop letting go of myself just because maybe other question the person I’m. I know I’m a good woman, and I have heart for many and understanding for us human being. I know who I’m and I shouldn’t let any other person tell me who I should be and that my way of being is wrong. We are all different and we cannot always please people. Not everyone. Just do as good as you can do.

I got inspired to write something like this via another females blog, it is nice to put down some good points and achievements for the autumn or in general.